They should have come with a manual. Or a teacher. Or meds. Or something.

They should have come with a manul. Or a teacher. Or meds.  I thought that this week when I was dealing with "Landon" issues. I am SO ill equipped for this job called parenting. Its been a little over a year now(one year and two months-but who's counting really) since I became a SAHM. (Stay at home mom. Cute little letters....kinda almost make a four letter word....or they are four letters.....but of course mean the exact OPPOSITE of all the "other" four letter words...right...?!)  Anywho.....recently a few hospice companies contacted me about returning to "work". I say this in quotes because I now know I could do that type of work with my eyes closed, two hands tied behind my back while walking backwards for 12 hours a day-in comparison to my "job" now. Someone should have warned me. Sent up a flare. A smoke signal. Sign language. Something. Its kinda like the things that happen to you when you get pregnant. There are MANY details that are left out. Why is this? OH! Yes...its because all the moms do not want you to know about said details and then you have the option of not participating along with them. Cause some of those "details" will make you run for the hills. Seriously(as in NO ONE told me I would pee funny when I was pregnant. Nope. And wasn't that a SHOCKER.) Moving on. :)  These companies called.......I responded. But not with the usual bulldoggedness. I got excited. Responded. But then LEFT them alone to call me. Instead of the usual mad attention I would give these things I let life happen. So....in the middle of these calls that week and this week...my life continues to happen. Alex finds love. With Madison. At school. And they dance. Or as he says "We REAL danced Mom!"  His whole face lit up. The next day he gets in the car. I asked him if he danced with Madison. "Nope. I pooted. And she didn't like my stinkness. So she didn't dance with me."  I almost peed my pants laughing. No, I explained....girls do not like to be pooted on when dancing. The following day Alex gets in the car. "Mom. I didn't poot. And we danced today."  Sweetest silliest sentence ever. I fall madly in love with my four year old....all over again. This I can do. This is what I would miss if I was running around crazy working. This I do not need a guide for.  Landon, during this same time is having a bit of ...um....."transition" difficulty in first grade. Yea....how come when we were in school it was not called "transition difficuly"?  It was called  "being bad. And if you're bad again I'm going to have the principal spank you, and then I will spank you when you get home."  Transition solved. Or rather I never remember having any issues.  Seems Landon is "active" and "social" and "does his own thing", "an independent thinker".  Which translates to "gets in trouble for talking too much and not paying attention...while trying to make the other kids in class laugh."  Will do ANYTHING to make others laugh. Case in point. Older kids on the school bus teach Landon a few not so nice inappropriate hand gestures and words. (See earlier blog about learning awful things on the bus. I just KNEW it would happen. Deep breaths)  Landon goes to class.  Sings a funny song, and SHOOTS A BIRD to the class, in FRONT of the class. I get a note....hand written by Landon that says he will not use "THE" finger in class anymore. Accompanied with a picture of the finger-circled. He IS an artist after all. Someone. Shoot. Me. Now-in his defense he has no idea wha this means. But my first thought is Oh DEAR LORD the teacher thinks we are a bunch of hill billy idiots that run around cussing giving each other the finger all day.  Perfect. Landon and I "discuss" his situation. Alot. For an hour. I know...probably over kill. But I ALSO thought to myself "He wants so badly to please everyone, and make people laugh that he has no impulse control. Which means he will do ANYTHING. Which means he will learn really bad words and use them. And then some kid is going to give him a funny looking blue pill and tell him to take it, and he will because he will want to make everyone happy. Then he will be TOO happy and want more...and then he takes too many and really doesnt pay attention in class and then he will have to go to REAHAAAAABBBBB." All because of the devils on the bus. I hate the bus. He should be a car rider. Its all MY FAULT.  See-Need a manual, or a teacher, orI need a blue pill, or SOMETHING when I had them.  Because I have no clue. And while that may be a bit over dramatic, I do worry. And this was our first, and certainly not least foray into Landon wanting to please others. And he has to be perfect at everything. If he doesnt know something he gets SO upset. And mad. (NO idea where he got that. ;)  So, how could I go back to work in the middle of all of this?  I'm missing a manual on raising them, and certainly cant just "wing it" for a few minutes every day when we get home. Right? :)  Who knows. I will return. But right now, at this moment, minus manuals and teachers and meds.....this is my job. And how I do love it. My other job...it will come....in its own time....when its suppose to. Just like it always does. I think Ill go write a manual....I have some friends who might need it.....;)