What Is On Your Social Media Diet?

I do not know about you guys, but quarantine snacking is a REAL thing.  Adding insult to injury, every time that I log in online, I see all the diet advice.  How NOT to snack during lock down.  What TO eat.  What NOT to eat.  What foods will keep us the healthiest.  What foods to eat to protect us from COVID 19.  The list is long, vast and never ending.  Just. So. Much. Advice.  And with so much attention to our quarantine diet...and my vastly growing waist line...it got me to thinking...what about our social media diet?  What are we consuming there everyday?  If eating right and working out is an incredibly small percentage of our day, and we are spending vast, copious amounts of time online right now...how is that diet effecting us?  And more importantly how is it effecting our kids?

Most of us were told as kids that in order to be healthy, we must eat a certain number of servings from the top 5 food groups daily.  This would ensure a strong, healthy body.  Have you also heard that you become the top 5 people that you surround yourself with?  Which begs the question...what(or who) are the top 5 social media platforms you are serving yourself everyday?  What are your children serving themselves?  This is such an important question.  Now more than ever.  Everyone has increased device time.  It has become our outlet. If we are not working then we are using it to connect with loved ones or as an escape.  And while we can be so incredibly thankful for this outlet...it does not come with a "consume all you want" without risk.  Just as we monitor our diet to make sure we are feeding it healthy foods, monitoring our social media diet will help to ensure a healthy mind and body.  

So how do we monitor the top five people we spend our time with...if it is through social media?  How do we monitor our child?  Most social media is search generated.  Take a few minutes each week and do a random device check on your child's devices.  If they have you tube, look at the search history.  This will tell you where they are spending the most time.  The same for the search history on their computers for online activity.  Tik Tok and Instagram are also mostly search history generated.  Look at what is popping up in their feed.  Especially on Tik Tok.  What videos are coming up for them to watch?  On Insta look at the search area (click on the eye glass).  This will also give you an idea of what your child/teen is searching and watching.  If you are noticing inappropriate content, or content that you do not approve of, this is a time to have an open conversation with your child.  Have a discussion about what they are viewing, how it makes them feel, and do they feel it is benefiting them in anyway?  Not all content has to be informative to be beneficial.  Watching silly videos that make your child belly laugh is incredibly beneficial right now.  If you allow your child Tik Tok, doing a silly video with them right now might be beneficial for you both.  But if we, or our children, allow negative, inappropriate information to filter into our days...for hours on end...this has far reaching consequences.  If the top five platforms that your child is following are negative, do not be surprised when your child has a negative attitude.  Currently there is a massive amount of frightening information online.  It is hard for adults to disseminate what is true and what is false.  Imagine how hard it is for our kids! Helping your child to steer from that and in the direction of positivity will greatly increase their mood, and decrease chances of depression, anxiety and confusion about some of the scary things that are going on in the world today.  We can help them (and ourselves) by searching for positive platforms, things that make you laugh, places that get you excited about travel, activities to get excited about for the future, making plans or setting new goals then finding people online that have the same goals.  

So much feels hard and weird and just not real right now.  Using the outlets we have to bring joy into our lives is such a gift!  We may have to look a bit harder to find the joy, but it is there.  I promise.  Helping your child, yourself, your family to do this...that is the best serving you can give everyone!

WHAT IS BETTER...
UNCOMFORTABLE TRUTH
OR COMFORTABLE LIES?

 No one likes the stickiness of uncomfortable truths.  We will lie to ourselves 1000 times over so we continue to feel comfortable.  But does that serve us?  It does.  But not well.  I want to address the elephant in the room...minus all judgement.  And that is what our kids are doing online.   Right now.  In the middle of this pandemic and lockdown.

As parents we are incredibly overwhelmed.  We do not know what the future holds...on so many levels that it hurts.  Our kids are home.  They are in the way.  They are bored.  Restless.  Anxious.  Disconnected.  Scared.  Angry.  They are these things and so much more.  Many of them are also happy for the extended break.  For the "free no school zone" that has been thrust into their lives.  But the reality is they are stuck.  And when having all those emotions connected with being stuck, they are reaching for an outlet.  Just as we are doing as adults.  We become thankful and eternally grateful for devices, apps, social media, games that can give us a feeling of connection.  That can be a welcome distraction for days that feel like an eternal ground hog day.  But what happens when they reach for outlets that will not serve them?  That are inappropriate.  That are harmful.  What do we do?  What can we do?




The uncomfortable truth is that our kids, if they have unrestricted devices, they are seeing things they should not be seeing.  They are possibly posting or saying things they should not be posting and saying.  The comfortable lie we tell ourselves is "not my kid", "my kid is a good kid". " my kid would never..."  And we sit with that comfortable lie because we WANT to believe those things.  Lets be honest, you DO have a good kid.  You have a GREAT kid.  But their "goodness" or "greatness" is not defined by will they or won't they get involved with things they shouldn't online.  Looking at inappropriate content doesn't make them "bad".  It makes them curious.  Which is normal.  It highlights their impulse control issues.  Which is normal.  Because impulse control won't happen til after they are in their 20's.  So we continue to tell ourselves the comfortable lie that our kids "would never" and we leave them to their own devices.  Which, in the end, doesn't protect them.

You show up for so many things.  You feed, clothe and bathe them.  You go to all of the school events and after school activities.  You are the doctor, nurse, lawyer, janitor, inn keeper.  You are ALL of the things.  We must show up in this space as well.  We must not tell ourselves comfortable lies that could harm our children later.  It is ok to feel weird, and sticky and just NOT WANT TO DO IT.  Can we just NOT do this.  Because devices and social media are hard and overwhelming.  And we are already showing up for all of those other things.  So can we just skip this ONE THING?  We can not.  This one thing can define our child's life just as much as those other things.  It can.  And it probably will.  They are not doing ALL of the bad things.  They are doing some amazing, beautiful, inventive, brilliant things with their media.  They have eclipsed us at such a pace that as parents we will never catch up.  But we can check in.  Monitor.  Guide.  Provide impulse control.  All it takes is picking up their device.  Take a look.  Have an open conversation with your child about what you are seeing.  Good and bad.  Let's sit with the uncomfortable truth that they maybe struggling a bit.  And that's ok.  Because we show up for ALL of the things.  We are good at showing up.  That is what we do.  We.  Just. Keep. Showing. Up.  In all the places that they need us.  They need us here.  They will never tell us.  But they need us.  

A Space For Pre-Trauma:

What Can We Do to Heal & Feel In Control

As we navigate the unchartered waters we are experiencing, I think it is important to take look at Pre-Trauma.  We talk so much about PTSD, but never look at, nor do most of us ever experience Pre-Trauma. 

Pre Trauma can be looked at as reading the headlines, watching the news, knowing that there is a crisis, then imagining people being hurt and not surviving...and not being able to do anything to stop it.  It is exacerbated by the feeling of helplessness.

If you are feeling anxious, worried, stressed, helpless, or sad you maybe experiencing pre-trauma symptoms.  We are currently living in a state of we know its coming, we are watching it slowly get here,  but we can do nothing about it.  An example is years ago I was in a car wreck. A lady hit me from behind.  I saw her in my rear view mirror before she hit my car.  I knew he was going to hit me but I was stuck in a car line, and the only thing I could do was sit, frantically watch in my rear view mirror, and brace for impact.  We are currently bracing for impact.  Which is so incredibly hard.  As humans we are fixers and doers.  If we see something bad coming our way, in most cases, we have the skills to stop it or either do something about it.  Currently we can not DO anything.  Except sit still. Social Distance.  And for so many of us that feels like...nothing.  It feels empty.  And powerless.  Sitting still doesn't feel like saving the world.  In our pre-programmed, busy, go, do fix all the things lives...it almost seems like an insult.  Which has created a perfect storm.  We have too much time to watch the train that is coming.   So what so we do?  I have come up with a few things that are helping me to feel powerful, in a less than empowering situation.  Maybe they can help you as well.

GIVE YOURSELF GRACE

Allow sad days.  Allow down days.  Allow frustrated  moments.  It is ok to have these feelings.  It is normal.  Do not try to hide them, or push them away.  This will lead to even more frustration, anger and sadness.  Find someone that you can talk to.  Share your concerns.  Cry.  Scream.  It is ok.  IT IS OK.  You do not have to have it together all the time when the world feels like its swallowing you whole.  

MOVE YOUR BODY

Move your body.  30 minutes a day.  I know I know, you have already heard this.  If you can get out and get fresh air and sunshine, while still social distancing, do so.  I promise this works wonders for the mind and spirit.  Even 10-15 minutes throughout the day is helpful. Walk the dog, take a walk with your family, start a new fitness program.  If you are inside, stretching or a short workout circuit can help.  There are 100's available online for free right now.  

QUIET TIME

You know when you make your kids have quiet time, well this is also amazing for us adults.  Sitting in a quiet space, 5-10 minutes, taking deep breaths can help to reset thoughts.  There are so many apps for mindfulness.  I use and love Insight Timer.  It has hundreds of guided meditations, or just calming music to help settle an over active brain.

DIGITAL DETOX

Get off of your device or your computer.  Get off of social media.  I put new restrictions on myself this week.  I am off all devices by 8 pm every night.  I do not look at any news until I am an hour into my day.  I stay up to date on local news no more than twice a day and national is once from a REPUTABLE source.  I skip all the doom and gloom.  I am not looking at charts of how bad things will be.  We have been told what we need to do.  Stay home. Social distance.  The charts will not change that rule.  So your power comes from protecting you and your family.  Through social distancing (yes that is the MOST powerful thing we can do) and protecting your mental health by not allowing it to lead your day.  A lot of us have extra time to be on devices.  It is easy to get sucked into so much information.  And that can feed a negative loop in your mind.  Your power comes from not allowing that into your head space.  I feel so much better now that I have done the same.

ADDRESS FINANCES

If you are unemployed or feel that things will be tight the next few months, call all lenders and creditors.  They are providing forbearance(student loans), (creditors, mortgage)payment extensions or forgiveness from 30-90 days.  Most companies are willing to work with you.  But you must call them NOW.  Your power lies in taking control of what you can control.  This is something you can do now.  Keep a record of conversations, what was agreed on, and when payments will resume.  

In a world where nothing seems to make sense, hold onto those that you love.  Find the joy in the little things everyday.  Meal times together, long walks, silly stories.  How many times have we said "If only I had some free time to....."  Many of us now have that.  When you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed, lean into those that you love and the moments you have with them.  Stay home to protect others.  Stay home to support the front line workers.  And give yourself grace. Give your family grace.  Enough for today.  Then we start again tomorrow.  

Just Be Normal

JUST BE NORMAL

Wow.  Ok…it seems the world has gone a bit mad.  And with all of the stress, and social distancing (moms I SEE you stuck at home with those babies.  Everyday feels like a bad groundhog day joke.  BLESS YOU) I thought you guys could use a laugh.  It’s pretty well known that I am socially awkward.  The fact that I make a dang living speaking in front of people is not lost on me.  But it seems to do nothing to cure my…awkwardness.  So I have story for you that happened to me this week.  

This week I had to go to Walmart vision center. I needed new contacts and evidently if you “elect” to use your insurance to cover them then you have to come in to sign for them. I did NOT want to go.  Social Distancing and all.  So here is what happened during my outing.

Me “You have to go out. Just be normal. Do not do anything to be awkward or call attention to yourself. “

Also Me: I haven’t been in the optical center 60 seconds when I swear all of the pollen from Baldwin County viscously attacks my throat. I do NOT have allergies mind you. Typically I could lick a tree mid season and nothing. Not even a tickle. BUT OH NO. Not today Karen. Today my throat seizes on me. So I go to simply clear it. Which sets of a coughing fit. That. I. Can. Not. Stop. You know the kind....you hold your breath thinking it will stop it only to make it worse cause then your coughing AND struggling to breathe. At which point I grab some gum thinking it will help. The coughing gets so bad I’m now coughing AND CHOKING on my damn gum. Me. Today. The poor lady that was helping me simply looked at me and gave me “the eye” after the first cough. The second go around that certainly bordered on looking like I needed medical intervention she VISIBLY RECOILED as if I had tased her. Near bout flew half way across the room on her rolling chair. From her 10 foot distance she says to me “ma’am. Do you need assistance? Are you ok” (insert judgey eyes here). I do a quick scan of the room and all four people have STOPPED DOING WHAT THEY ARE DOING and are staring. Standing. Not moving. And  staring. I manage to croak out “no. I’m fine. Just a tickle.” She stares then SLOWLY rolls back to her keyboard and finishes typing in my info....with hands barely touching her keyboard and her butt sticking a good four feet AWAY from the computer....and me. Because that extra distance will surely keep her rear end from catching anything I seem to have. At this point I’m trying not to laugh AND cough for fear of people dropping out of the ceiling in hazmat suits. We finish up, me still slightly coughing into my elbow (which I did away from her the entire time while I maintained a 6 ft distance) and I leave. She all but RUNS from her station to the back carrying a bottle of sanitizer. The MINUTE I hit the front door it stops. Nothing. No coughing. No tickle. Because OF COURSE IT DOES. 

A few things. One....I’m sure I was reported as a “possible case” and poor lady probably called ALL the people and reported a possible exposure. Bless. Two....y’all that have seasonal allergies. Bless you. And do NOT leave your house. Ain’t nobody believin it’s “just a tickle” anymore. Three....I feel so bad for her. Things are so dang scary right now and I’m sure I scared her to death. Bless. Just all of the blessings today for all of the things.

Side note....as I’m leaving the ELDERLY lady that was helping folks check out yells “all that pollen out there gettin to me too. I just shove some Vick’s up my nose every mornin. Works like a charm!” Then she proceeds to open palm wipe straight up her nose.  I. Can. Not. Make. These. Things. Up. 

So as we navigate our new normal, hang in there guys.  Finding things to laugh at every day brings me joy.  Watering my plants, eating dinner with my family, morning and evening walks brings me joy.  Laughing at myself and trying to make light of what seems to be an overwhelming situation brings me joy.  Find the things that bring you joy.  Focus on those.  Extend grace…to yourself, to your family, to others.  Mamas with littles, you get an extra prayer from me.  I seem to be in the “lucky” space which is I have two teens in the house that were already practicing social distancing from the parentals. Bless.  Much love to you and your families as we navigate this time.  We can do this.  We are doing this.  Some of us just a little more awkwardly than others.