WHAT IS BETTER...
UNCOMFORTABLE TRUTH
OR COMFORTABLE LIES?

 No one likes the stickiness of uncomfortable truths.  We will lie to ourselves 1000 times over so we continue to feel comfortable.  But does that serve us?  It does.  But not well.  I want to address the elephant in the room...minus all judgement.  And that is what our kids are doing online.   Right now.  In the middle of this pandemic and lockdown.

As parents we are incredibly overwhelmed.  We do not know what the future holds...on so many levels that it hurts.  Our kids are home.  They are in the way.  They are bored.  Restless.  Anxious.  Disconnected.  Scared.  Angry.  They are these things and so much more.  Many of them are also happy for the extended break.  For the "free no school zone" that has been thrust into their lives.  But the reality is they are stuck.  And when having all those emotions connected with being stuck, they are reaching for an outlet.  Just as we are doing as adults.  We become thankful and eternally grateful for devices, apps, social media, games that can give us a feeling of connection.  That can be a welcome distraction for days that feel like an eternal ground hog day.  But what happens when they reach for outlets that will not serve them?  That are inappropriate.  That are harmful.  What do we do?  What can we do?




The uncomfortable truth is that our kids, if they have unrestricted devices, they are seeing things they should not be seeing.  They are possibly posting or saying things they should not be posting and saying.  The comfortable lie we tell ourselves is "not my kid", "my kid is a good kid". " my kid would never..."  And we sit with that comfortable lie because we WANT to believe those things.  Lets be honest, you DO have a good kid.  You have a GREAT kid.  But their "goodness" or "greatness" is not defined by will they or won't they get involved with things they shouldn't online.  Looking at inappropriate content doesn't make them "bad".  It makes them curious.  Which is normal.  It highlights their impulse control issues.  Which is normal.  Because impulse control won't happen til after they are in their 20's.  So we continue to tell ourselves the comfortable lie that our kids "would never" and we leave them to their own devices.  Which, in the end, doesn't protect them.

You show up for so many things.  You feed, clothe and bathe them.  You go to all of the school events and after school activities.  You are the doctor, nurse, lawyer, janitor, inn keeper.  You are ALL of the things.  We must show up in this space as well.  We must not tell ourselves comfortable lies that could harm our children later.  It is ok to feel weird, and sticky and just NOT WANT TO DO IT.  Can we just NOT do this.  Because devices and social media are hard and overwhelming.  And we are already showing up for all of those other things.  So can we just skip this ONE THING?  We can not.  This one thing can define our child's life just as much as those other things.  It can.  And it probably will.  They are not doing ALL of the bad things.  They are doing some amazing, beautiful, inventive, brilliant things with their media.  They have eclipsed us at such a pace that as parents we will never catch up.  But we can check in.  Monitor.  Guide.  Provide impulse control.  All it takes is picking up their device.  Take a look.  Have an open conversation with your child about what you are seeing.  Good and bad.  Let's sit with the uncomfortable truth that they maybe struggling a bit.  And that's ok.  Because we show up for ALL of the things.  We are good at showing up.  That is what we do.  We.  Just. Keep. Showing. Up.  In all the places that they need us.  They need us here.  They will never tell us.  But they need us.