CONFESSIONS OF A DRUNK TOOTH FAIRY

     I’ve been meaning to write this for a few weeks now. Time slipped by and it wasn’t until today when Alex lost another tooth that I thought of it again. I so hope it is received as intended….. quite harmless and a bit hysterical. J

     A few weeks ago-one Saturday afternoon to be exact-I was getting ready to go out with John. We had a date to go to a friend’s birthday party, it had a been a long week-and I was excited to blow off some steam. We had sitters lined up at a friend’s house. Thirty minutes before we are to leave I hear crying from the back yard(not unsual) followed by Landon coming into the bathroom-tears flowing. “Mom-I was playing with Alex, and I threw the Frisbee and maybe it was too hard and maybe it him in the mouth and maybe it knocked his tooth out. Dad said you should come.”  WTH?!  So I go to the back porch and John is holding Alex. Yep. Front TWO teeth are loose. One worse than the other. You’ve got to be kidding me. This is SO payback for his friend Lucky who came for his first sleep over about a year ago, fell off his bike and knocked both of his front teeth out. Well. Almost out. Lucky had to go to the dentist and have them removed. It was not pretty. They haven’t been back. Shocker. Ugh. Alex doesn’t show any other signs of distress, no roots showing or anything so I make the executive decision the party must go on! And on we go. Arrive at friends house and explain to the babysitter that there is a possibility that the tooth may come out, but I highly doubt it. We leave to enjoy our night. And I REALLY enjoyed mine. For those of you who know me know that I rarely drink. Rarely. So when I do it doesn’t take many. We had a great night. Fun, friends….a cosmo here, three glasses of wine there….and its time to go home. It’s 10p.m. I’m happy. Happy with the world. All is good. There is no stress. My week is much better. Our friends have just added a fantastic addition to their back porch. We should stay. Have drinks. I decide YES! A fantastic idea! The babysitter looks at me before she leaves and says “Oh. By the way. Alex pulled out his tooth.” What?! Alex smiles. Toothless. A few drinks in so I think…..oh how cute! Later I realize it will be close to two years before another tooth actually RETURNS to occupy that spot. Oh well. I keep the tooth. Alex is awake. His brother is asleep with his friends. I think that surely Alex will go to sleep soon, and again-another decision is made-let’s stay! I’ll have another drink! Around 12:00 I realize that it’s late!  And I need to get kids home. The tooth fairy must come! Alex is still awake and talking excitedly about the tooth fairy. Uh oh. I think the tooth fairy may have spent her pennies on cosmos….and she wonders silently if her child will take a check. Get home. Kids in bed. And now wait. Waiting for Alex to GO TO SLEEP so the tooth fairy can come. By now the tooth fairy realizes she’s had maybe 2 too many drinks. Possibly. She lost count. Wander upstairs to check on Alex. Nope. Awake. “Hi Mom. Is she here yet?”  Um yes-I mean no! Go to sleep . Please go to sleep. Ill give you money if you go to sleep. Travel back downstairs and get all of my “tooth fairy dust” aka-glitter. And scrape up some cash. Two $1 bills, and more change than I can stuff in my robe and back upstairs the tooth fairy goes.  She here I am, phone in one hand with the flashlight app ON so I can see where I’m going, pockets noisily jingling full of coins, and four bottles of glitter in the other hand. I’m not sure why all four. At the time it made PERFECT tooth fairy sense. And the whole scene goes a bit like this. Enter room. Flashlight on. Open the glitter bottles immediately. (Mistake) I lean over the bed to see if Alex is awake. (Forgetting I'm holding glitter) Shine flashlight IN his face. Brilliant. He stirs around. Damnit. Tooth fairy cusses. Tries to turn off the phone and DROPS it onto the bed. (Keep in mind I have OPEN glitter in my other hand-this is not that evident to me until the NEXT DAY) Grab phone. Turn off light. And freeze. He stops moving. Turn light back on. Have to retrieve the tooth fairy pillow from beside his head. Get it. Remove tooth from pocket. Try to cram all of the change and two dollars into pocket. Won’t fit. Damnit. Throw rest of change under pillow. Figure he will find it. Then remember I must create the infamous glitter trail! Go to open the shutters. Which are stuck. Because all tooth fairies come in through the window…right?! At this point I have probably woke up the neighbors with all of the noise I’m making. Son of a b@#%$h. Evidently drunk tooth fairies have no humor and cuss a lot. Screw it. Throw some glitter THROUGH the slats on the shutters, sprinkle lightly (HA! Yea-not so much. As evident the next morning) the floor-making a trail from the window to the bed and “Just a wee bit” onto the comforter.  Done. Toothfairy retires to her bed and passes out. Well-Alex wakes me up  hollering “MOM! The tooth fairy came!” At 6:30 a.m. Really?! I bet she’s tired since I don’t think she made it to your room til 1:00 a.m.-which was only a 5 and a half hours ago. And her head hurts. “MOM!” Yes Alex. “I think I have glitter on my face. Do I have glitter on my face?”  Yep-in fact you do. Kinda looks like you rolled around in it. OH CRAP! It all comes back. Vaguely. Damn. It.  Bad mommy. Bad tooth fairy.  Get up. Make breakfast. Landon walks in. Looks at bar. “Mom. Why are there bottles of glitter here on the bar?” OH. DEAR. LORD. Think damnit think. “Um……that’s for mommies work. Let me have them.” “What work mom?”  “Just work.” “What work?”  Oh for the love! “Just work! A project or something. LOOK-a deer outside.” (ok-not really but GREAT distraction.) I look on the bar. RIGHT BESIDE the glitter is ALEXS TOOTH! The tooth fairy must have thrown all of it on the bar before she passed out-I mean fell asleep. I snatch it. Quickly. Throw it in my pocket. Decide to go upstairs to check out the scene. There is glitter EVERYWHERE. Seriously. It looks like the toothfairy EXPLODED in the room. Puddles of glitter on the floor, the shutters, the comforter, and where Alex was sleeping. What the hell did I do, take the tops off and stand here and twirl like a mad woman for half an hour? Oh dear. And I’ve gotta clean this crap up. Note to Tooth Fairy. DO not drink. Do not drink and visit small sleeping children. With glitter. And a phone. With a flashlight. And always hide the tooth. Somewhere. Not on the bar. Beside the glitter. Not a preferable spot.

     Ahhhh…..lesson learned. Memories. And as I sit here and type this-tooth fairy duty calls again tonight. But I provide all assurances, she has not been drinking tonight. And she will mind her glitter. J

What we want to have, what we can have, and somewhere in the middle.

What we want to have, what we can have, and somewhere in the middle.

There’s a quote that I love. “The hardest thing in life is to be happy with what you have.”  This is so true. In all aspects of our life. I think God created us to be curious individuals. To always want more. To want to achieve. Because otherwise we would be a bunch of unmotivated lumps.  And how much fun is that?  I’ve always been a motivated person. And-in true self-disclosure, found it hard at times to be happy with what I have.  This has served me well on some things, and not so well on others. Because it does lend itself at times to an all or nothing attitude. As in I’m going to work my ass off….or do nothing. Not as in “I’m going to do nothing and sit on the couch” kind of thing-but a “I’m going to totally refocus and do something else-at 120percent.” Not healthy. Also may play into my "I have to be the best and in control" issues-but thats a WHOOOLE other story. Ha. Well-as we ALLLLLL know-I’ve always been OBSESSED with fitness. Fitness models, the look, the idea of being that regimented, being able to make your body do things that others can not or will not do, the mind over matter……all of it.” I played with it in college. I fell in LOVE with it in high school though. But I never really actualized this obsession, or turned it into any real reality for me. I came close. But never there. In college and before kids my heart got in the way. Its all wonky. It likes to get too high…even when I’m in fantatstic shape…it likes to really mess with me. Boo. Then kids. Then total and 100 percent complete meltdown of my body of epic proportions. Ok-a bit dramatic. But things have been royally screwed up for years. I am just now getting closer to an understanding of why. And how to fix it.  It has literally taken 6 years. Many of those years “wasted” focusing on other things and hoping wishing I would get better. However-I never completely followed through on my end. Remember the all or nothing comment above. I would feel better for a brief span, workout, and start my “clean eating”(which I’m now realizing for me was not doing me any good at all-my clean isn’t someone else’s clean) and then have a bad run of things and well-quit. Just get pissed and quit. This has been the cycle for years. Did I mention that I’ve never been a runner?  I’m envious of those that can and do. But I’ve always sucked at the long haul. But I love sprints. Funny how things like that can transfer to real life huh.  All this time however I’ve read, studied and learned about fitness and food. How it effects us. How the fitness industry is the way that it is…..on and on. And it wasn’t until THIS YEAR that I started making connections on some things. I’ve had everything ass backwards. And in doing so have created a perfect storm of crap in my own head. The look that I love, the things that I thought I wanted…are not where I need to be. My body has been SCREAMING at me to take care of it, to not give up on it. I have fought it. Every. Step. Of. The. Way.  High fat, low fat, low carb, high carb, low cal, meat, no meat…..on and off the wagon. But never about TRUE balance. True nutrition that needs to go in. The true reality is-my body would have never let me do what I THOUGHT I wanted. I would have shut down. I had a doctor look at me yesterday and quite bluntly explain that if we do not fix my underlying probs(hello anemia) that I will not be doing anything. Hello pushing up daisies. Now that is one thing I DON’T want. So. In the spirit of being happy with what I have-I am so thankful that after all this time I think I have some answers. And a bigger plan. For HEALTH. Not a plan for how much weight can I lose, and can I get rock solid quads in the next 3 months. Considering the last few months my actual gym time prob averages to a few times a week at best….I’m guessing the rock hard anything is out the window for awhile. But again, so thankful for the time that I can get in there. My plan just has to change.  We can not spend our lives wanting something we can not have. We must take solace in being very very good at and happy with the things we do have. I have a beautiful family. I have days I can not function. So the days I can….I am SOOOOOO grateful for. I try to make the most of that time. And give the boys extra hugs and play time. Husband included. So it no longer becomes what I can or can not have. It becomes about health. And how healthy can I be. For the long haul. For the gold. For the do not give up. That has become my “new” what I want to have. Not the “look” that I have been obsessed with for years.  Have you ever had something that you keep in your life, daily……that pulls you down. You want it, you are obsessed with it….but it will quite probably always be out of your reach?  Its toxic. It makes you sad. It will eat away at the moments that are beautiful without it. Letting go of that is freeing. This happened to me. This week. So thus the reason for this blog. I LOVE every ounce of my beautiful girls that live the lifestyle that I have watched from the sidelines for so many years. But I also love me more. And recognizing what they have been able to accomplish, and then seeing it as a complete and utter fail on my part is only killing me. Self imposed.   And my time that I’ve been given here. Recognizing what I thought I wanted, it was disguised by what I THOUGHT it represented. Health and and to me an ideal. To me what I need, what we all need, is TRUE health. And once I’m there….maybe just maybe I’ll let me re-visit some old desires. A meet in the middle if you will.  But not until my personal house is in order.  I’m 38. Its time. Besides-40 is the new 20…right? J