WHAT IS BETTER...
UNCOMFORTABLE TRUTH
OR COMFORTABLE LIES?

 No one likes the stickiness of uncomfortable truths.  We will lie to ourselves 1000 times over so we continue to feel comfortable.  But does that serve us?  It does.  But not well.  I want to address the elephant in the room...minus all judgement.  And that is what our kids are doing online.   Right now.  In the middle of this pandemic and lockdown.

As parents we are incredibly overwhelmed.  We do not know what the future holds...on so many levels that it hurts.  Our kids are home.  They are in the way.  They are bored.  Restless.  Anxious.  Disconnected.  Scared.  Angry.  They are these things and so much more.  Many of them are also happy for the extended break.  For the "free no school zone" that has been thrust into their lives.  But the reality is they are stuck.  And when having all those emotions connected with being stuck, they are reaching for an outlet.  Just as we are doing as adults.  We become thankful and eternally grateful for devices, apps, social media, games that can give us a feeling of connection.  That can be a welcome distraction for days that feel like an eternal ground hog day.  But what happens when they reach for outlets that will not serve them?  That are inappropriate.  That are harmful.  What do we do?  What can we do?




The uncomfortable truth is that our kids, if they have unrestricted devices, they are seeing things they should not be seeing.  They are possibly posting or saying things they should not be posting and saying.  The comfortable lie we tell ourselves is "not my kid", "my kid is a good kid". " my kid would never..."  And we sit with that comfortable lie because we WANT to believe those things.  Lets be honest, you DO have a good kid.  You have a GREAT kid.  But their "goodness" or "greatness" is not defined by will they or won't they get involved with things they shouldn't online.  Looking at inappropriate content doesn't make them "bad".  It makes them curious.  Which is normal.  It highlights their impulse control issues.  Which is normal.  Because impulse control won't happen til after they are in their 20's.  So we continue to tell ourselves the comfortable lie that our kids "would never" and we leave them to their own devices.  Which, in the end, doesn't protect them.

You show up for so many things.  You feed, clothe and bathe them.  You go to all of the school events and after school activities.  You are the doctor, nurse, lawyer, janitor, inn keeper.  You are ALL of the things.  We must show up in this space as well.  We must not tell ourselves comfortable lies that could harm our children later.  It is ok to feel weird, and sticky and just NOT WANT TO DO IT.  Can we just NOT do this.  Because devices and social media are hard and overwhelming.  And we are already showing up for all of those other things.  So can we just skip this ONE THING?  We can not.  This one thing can define our child's life just as much as those other things.  It can.  And it probably will.  They are not doing ALL of the bad things.  They are doing some amazing, beautiful, inventive, brilliant things with their media.  They have eclipsed us at such a pace that as parents we will never catch up.  But we can check in.  Monitor.  Guide.  Provide impulse control.  All it takes is picking up their device.  Take a look.  Have an open conversation with your child about what you are seeing.  Good and bad.  Let's sit with the uncomfortable truth that they maybe struggling a bit.  And that's ok.  Because we show up for ALL of the things.  We are good at showing up.  That is what we do.  We.  Just. Keep. Showing. Up.  In all the places that they need us.  They need us here.  They will never tell us.  But they need us.  

A Space For Pre-Trauma:

What Can We Do to Heal & Feel In Control

As we navigate the unchartered waters we are experiencing, I think it is important to take look at Pre-Trauma.  We talk so much about PTSD, but never look at, nor do most of us ever experience Pre-Trauma. 

Pre Trauma can be looked at as reading the headlines, watching the news, knowing that there is a crisis, then imagining people being hurt and not surviving...and not being able to do anything to stop it.  It is exacerbated by the feeling of helplessness.

If you are feeling anxious, worried, stressed, helpless, or sad you maybe experiencing pre-trauma symptoms.  We are currently living in a state of we know its coming, we are watching it slowly get here,  but we can do nothing about it.  An example is years ago I was in a car wreck. A lady hit me from behind.  I saw her in my rear view mirror before she hit my car.  I knew he was going to hit me but I was stuck in a car line, and the only thing I could do was sit, frantically watch in my rear view mirror, and brace for impact.  We are currently bracing for impact.  Which is so incredibly hard.  As humans we are fixers and doers.  If we see something bad coming our way, in most cases, we have the skills to stop it or either do something about it.  Currently we can not DO anything.  Except sit still. Social Distance.  And for so many of us that feels like...nothing.  It feels empty.  And powerless.  Sitting still doesn't feel like saving the world.  In our pre-programmed, busy, go, do fix all the things lives...it almost seems like an insult.  Which has created a perfect storm.  We have too much time to watch the train that is coming.   So what so we do?  I have come up with a few things that are helping me to feel powerful, in a less than empowering situation.  Maybe they can help you as well.

GIVE YOURSELF GRACE

Allow sad days.  Allow down days.  Allow frustrated  moments.  It is ok to have these feelings.  It is normal.  Do not try to hide them, or push them away.  This will lead to even more frustration, anger and sadness.  Find someone that you can talk to.  Share your concerns.  Cry.  Scream.  It is ok.  IT IS OK.  You do not have to have it together all the time when the world feels like its swallowing you whole.  

MOVE YOUR BODY

Move your body.  30 minutes a day.  I know I know, you have already heard this.  If you can get out and get fresh air and sunshine, while still social distancing, do so.  I promise this works wonders for the mind and spirit.  Even 10-15 minutes throughout the day is helpful. Walk the dog, take a walk with your family, start a new fitness program.  If you are inside, stretching or a short workout circuit can help.  There are 100's available online for free right now.  

QUIET TIME

You know when you make your kids have quiet time, well this is also amazing for us adults.  Sitting in a quiet space, 5-10 minutes, taking deep breaths can help to reset thoughts.  There are so many apps for mindfulness.  I use and love Insight Timer.  It has hundreds of guided meditations, or just calming music to help settle an over active brain.

DIGITAL DETOX

Get off of your device or your computer.  Get off of social media.  I put new restrictions on myself this week.  I am off all devices by 8 pm every night.  I do not look at any news until I am an hour into my day.  I stay up to date on local news no more than twice a day and national is once from a REPUTABLE source.  I skip all the doom and gloom.  I am not looking at charts of how bad things will be.  We have been told what we need to do.  Stay home. Social distance.  The charts will not change that rule.  So your power comes from protecting you and your family.  Through social distancing (yes that is the MOST powerful thing we can do) and protecting your mental health by not allowing it to lead your day.  A lot of us have extra time to be on devices.  It is easy to get sucked into so much information.  And that can feed a negative loop in your mind.  Your power comes from not allowing that into your head space.  I feel so much better now that I have done the same.

ADDRESS FINANCES

If you are unemployed or feel that things will be tight the next few months, call all lenders and creditors.  They are providing forbearance(student loans), (creditors, mortgage)payment extensions or forgiveness from 30-90 days.  Most companies are willing to work with you.  But you must call them NOW.  Your power lies in taking control of what you can control.  This is something you can do now.  Keep a record of conversations, what was agreed on, and when payments will resume.  

In a world where nothing seems to make sense, hold onto those that you love.  Find the joy in the little things everyday.  Meal times together, long walks, silly stories.  How many times have we said "If only I had some free time to....."  Many of us now have that.  When you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed, lean into those that you love and the moments you have with them.  Stay home to protect others.  Stay home to support the front line workers.  And give yourself grace. Give your family grace.  Enough for today.  Then we start again tomorrow.  

Just Be Normal

JUST BE NORMAL

Wow.  Ok…it seems the world has gone a bit mad.  And with all of the stress, and social distancing (moms I SEE you stuck at home with those babies.  Everyday feels like a bad groundhog day joke.  BLESS YOU) I thought you guys could use a laugh.  It’s pretty well known that I am socially awkward.  The fact that I make a dang living speaking in front of people is not lost on me.  But it seems to do nothing to cure my…awkwardness.  So I have story for you that happened to me this week.  

This week I had to go to Walmart vision center. I needed new contacts and evidently if you “elect” to use your insurance to cover them then you have to come in to sign for them. I did NOT want to go.  Social Distancing and all.  So here is what happened during my outing.

Me “You have to go out. Just be normal. Do not do anything to be awkward or call attention to yourself. “

Also Me: I haven’t been in the optical center 60 seconds when I swear all of the pollen from Baldwin County viscously attacks my throat. I do NOT have allergies mind you. Typically I could lick a tree mid season and nothing. Not even a tickle. BUT OH NO. Not today Karen. Today my throat seizes on me. So I go to simply clear it. Which sets of a coughing fit. That. I. Can. Not. Stop. You know the kind....you hold your breath thinking it will stop it only to make it worse cause then your coughing AND struggling to breathe. At which point I grab some gum thinking it will help. The coughing gets so bad I’m now coughing AND CHOKING on my damn gum. Me. Today. The poor lady that was helping me simply looked at me and gave me “the eye” after the first cough. The second go around that certainly bordered on looking like I needed medical intervention she VISIBLY RECOILED as if I had tased her. Near bout flew half way across the room on her rolling chair. From her 10 foot distance she says to me “ma’am. Do you need assistance? Are you ok” (insert judgey eyes here). I do a quick scan of the room and all four people have STOPPED DOING WHAT THEY ARE DOING and are staring. Standing. Not moving. And  staring. I manage to croak out “no. I’m fine. Just a tickle.” She stares then SLOWLY rolls back to her keyboard and finishes typing in my info....with hands barely touching her keyboard and her butt sticking a good four feet AWAY from the computer....and me. Because that extra distance will surely keep her rear end from catching anything I seem to have. At this point I’m trying not to laugh AND cough for fear of people dropping out of the ceiling in hazmat suits. We finish up, me still slightly coughing into my elbow (which I did away from her the entire time while I maintained a 6 ft distance) and I leave. She all but RUNS from her station to the back carrying a bottle of sanitizer. The MINUTE I hit the front door it stops. Nothing. No coughing. No tickle. Because OF COURSE IT DOES. 

A few things. One....I’m sure I was reported as a “possible case” and poor lady probably called ALL the people and reported a possible exposure. Bless. Two....y’all that have seasonal allergies. Bless you. And do NOT leave your house. Ain’t nobody believin it’s “just a tickle” anymore. Three....I feel so bad for her. Things are so dang scary right now and I’m sure I scared her to death. Bless. Just all of the blessings today for all of the things.

Side note....as I’m leaving the ELDERLY lady that was helping folks check out yells “all that pollen out there gettin to me too. I just shove some Vick’s up my nose every mornin. Works like a charm!” Then she proceeds to open palm wipe straight up her nose.  I. Can. Not. Make. These. Things. Up. 

So as we navigate our new normal, hang in there guys.  Finding things to laugh at every day brings me joy.  Watering my plants, eating dinner with my family, morning and evening walks brings me joy.  Laughing at myself and trying to make light of what seems to be an overwhelming situation brings me joy.  Find the things that bring you joy.  Focus on those.  Extend grace…to yourself, to your family, to others.  Mamas with littles, you get an extra prayer from me.  I seem to be in the “lucky” space which is I have two teens in the house that were already practicing social distancing from the parentals. Bless.  Much love to you and your families as we navigate this time.  We can do this.  We are doing this.  Some of us just a little more awkwardly than others.   

 

 

Breaking point......

 

 

     Everyone has one. You know that point where you justify that it will be easier to get forgiveness than permission. Even after you have been told a billion times not to do something. Something in your head clicks, you say screw it.....and decide that doing whatever IT is will be worth any amount of trouble you get into AFTER you do it. We all have been there. Even sweet Alex. This weekend. I laugh even as I sit here and think about what must have been running through that little head of his when he decided what the hell...I’m doing it. Because I didn't actually SEE the offense. But oh can I imagine. There was a certain build up that happened all day that led to "his moment".  You see the girls next door had a birthday party this weekend. And like the parties for the last few years around here, they become shared parties. There’s only a good 40 ft or so of space between our houses. Just wide and perfect enough to fit water slides and bounce houses. And our kids and their kids just have become one big bunch of all our kids on the weekends. We love it. We love the parties. It’s one of the things we are so going to miss when we move. Saturday was a party day for the girls. And they were having a water slide.  Except Saturday was also one of those days. End of the season ball tournaments back to back for both boys, raining like all crap the night before, boxes stacked to the ceiling at home since we are in the middle of packing to move, and one car since John flew in for the weekend. Alex had been fighting a cold for a week. Not bad but of course on Saturday he wakes up with yellow snot and a nice cough. Perfect. So the decision was made to run Landon and John to their tournament, drop them off, run me and Alex to the dr, then back to finish tournaments and go play at the party. We were hoping we would leave the doctor office with antibiotic script in hand and orders that it will be ok for Alex to play ball and of course slide to his heart’s content. Let me preface all of this with the most the temp ever reached on Saturday was maybe 77 degrees. And overcast. And a bit breezy. And it had been raining. Mother Nature seems to have lost her mind this year and somehow in the middle of May I find myself running around in jeans and a long sleeve shirt. Global warming in reverse? Who the heck knows. All I know is that I have a little boy who is 6 years old and all of 47 pounds soaking wet on a good day. And will shiver violently like a naked polar bear in the middle of the North Pole when its 98 degrees out and a breeze catches him the right way. No body fat. None. Zero. I already foresee a water slide issue. We go to leave and there it is. Mocking him already. This is 9:30 a.m.  It’s huge. It’s blown up. It’s sitting there. Two big fish on the end. Waiting for hours of sliding fun. "Mom I really want to go on the water slide."  "I know buddy. We will see what the dr says." "No mom I AM GOING on the slide."  "Ok Alex we will discuss it later."  Get to the docs office.  I list all of Alex’s symptoms. Cough and snotty nose x 7 days. I then try to look pitiful (as if the no makeup and crappy clothes weren't enough). I explain that "We're moving in 2 weeks. I just can’t have him sick during the move. And it’s the last week of school. And I’m packing. And his dad is out of town during the week. And I REALLY WANT TO TREAT HIM AGGRESSIVELY. Please. And thank you."  Doc looks at me. "Wow. That's a lot. Yea he’s got the same cold that everyone else has." And begins the list of honey, humidifier...blah blah blah. I did not hear antibiotic. I’m shot down. "Nope. Won’t work at this point. If he’s worse in 7 days bring him back. Although he will get worse before he gets better." I stare at him. Like he has two heads. Did he not just hear my IM MOVING story?  Fine. Can he play ball? "I would let him rest today."  Wohoooooo I think. No chasing the ball tournaments in one car. Can he slide on a water slide today? "I wouldn't advise it. It may make him worse."  Oh. Crap.  I hear a very loud sigh beside me. All I can think is "I’m screwed. This is gonna be baaaaad."  Immediately two steps out of office I hear "Mom I want to go on the slide."  "I know buddy but we can’t risk you getting sicker. And you heard the doctor. He said you can’t go.”  ‘I don’t care mom. I’m not sick. I want to go.”  This continues all the way home. And then we pull in. And it takes on a whole new level. He sees the slide. His best friends in the whole world are on it already….one hour before the party. Which is cool because this is the free hour before ALL the other kids come. “Moooooommmmmmmm! I want to go on the slide.”  “I know buddy. I’ve already explained this. You can’t go.”  I drag him inside. He stops at the playroom. Drops to the floor. And then commences for 6 minutes straight to-face down in the carpet while kicking legs- repeat I WANT TO GO ON THE SLIDE. If I were more tech savvy I would insert a video below. Because I took one. You know….to embarrass him with when he’s 16. I’m not. But I’m sure you can imagine. Did I mention John was  at a game with Landon during all of this? I let the fit happen and then pick him up and offer anything. Lunch out, a movie, a new toy…..because it really was breaking my heart. Nope. Nothing works. Pitching a fit continues. So insert MY breaking point.  I decide that’s it. I gather him up and off to Publix we go. For food. He spies the slide. On the way out. Wailing begins. Must remember to pick up booze at Publix. We shop and get back. He had calmed down. But now all the kids are arriving for the party. So we go over to chat some. Well, I do. Alex stands in the middle of the yard-our yard-and pouts. And looks sad. Like he’s lost his best friend. And stares at everyone sliding. It’s awful.  Like some sort of torture. And I’m occasionally getting the evil eye because I am the “torture leader”.  I call him over. He has the shivers just from standing there in jeans and a shirt! I talk to him about this. “No I don’t mom! It’s hot out!” Yea. Boiling. Not really.  Thank goodness about that time John comes home. Then the decision has to be made….do we let Landon slide since Alex isn’t? Because Alex decided it’s not fair for Landon to go if Alex doesn’t. Then LANDON starts crying. I want to cry. So John decides he’s taking Alex bowling and to play video games and I will watch Landon slide. All parties seem in agreement and happy. A few hours pass. They come back. Kids come and go, pizza and cake are eaten. Some kids are even on the trampoline and running around by now so Alex has friends to hang with. Landon is out back playing in the mud. But it’s still there. And kids are still on it. And it’s still taunting him. After a long day I am exhausted and give John the boys. I go in around 6, shower and crawl in to bed to watch TV and rest. Around 6:30 John walks in and says this “You’re child with the good sense, just lost it.”  At first I think “We have one with that???” And then I think-and ask ‘Which one is that???”  He responds “Alex”. John had left the “scene” of the slide for a few minutes to do something. When he came back Alex was ON THE SLIDE. In his clothes. Yep. He broke. At some point, in his little head he decided screw it. He decided that the one slide down that slide would be worth all the trouble he would be in. The damn thing had been taunting him for 8 hours. He couldn’t take it anymore. I laugh just thinking about it. I can only imagine how excited he must have been…after a day long of build up and lots of no’s…..he was just going to do it. And do it he did. John couldn’t get mad at him. I couldn’t either. One-that took balls. I’m not even kidding. And Alex just doesn’t ever act like that. Two-its funny. I mean it’s really one of those moments where you know you should be  mad at your kid, but you can’t and you laugh. Yeah. One of those moments. I wish I could have seen him. At what point did he decide to make a run for it? How fast did he scoot his skinny little cold legs up those stairs? Was he laughing all the way down planning another run at it before John could get out there?  Oh how I wish I could have seen it. John talked to him. Wrapped his shivering little butt in a towel and put him in a hot bath. He came down the stairs afterwards. I put him in bed with me and just asked “Why?”  His response….. “I don’t know mom. I just had to.” Yea. I get it. Breaking point. And sometimes you just have to. J

My Date With Alex….

 

Sooooooo……Alex in hearing about mine and Landons adventures insisted on HIS date to happen today! Originally he wanted to go to Waffle House for breakfast. Whew…..dodged that bullet and this morning he chose a Barnes and Noble lunch date “like we use to have mommy”. When I was a stay home mom this is where he and I went all the time. He would get a huge sandwich, massive cookie, and milk. Then eat the turkey out, drink his milk and eat half his cookie-always saving “more for later mommy”. Today was no different.  I LOVE that he loves this place. Did I mention that this is the same child that walked through the store at age 4.5 and said “Mommy I like the way they (the books) smell.” Ahhhhhh……yes he is so my child. There were no real “opening door” lessons or any of that sort. (Although he did try his best to muscle open the store door for me! :) More of just enjoying each others time.

This is his cookie----and a remake of what brother did with his cake. Big eyes and all. ;)

Next we were off to the fountain to make wishes!

Wishing hard……..

Kinda looks like a plant is growing out of him!

After our wishes….he wanted to “go sit on the statues head”. Brother had sat BESIDE the statue….so in all fairness of constant competition between the two, he had to do something better. Sometimes Alex surprises me. And I must admit its pretty darn funny!

Next on our trip….to go see and old buddy of his! Alex gets SO excited when I tell him where we are going…..partly because “brother didn't go so that means we are doing THREE things mom and you guys only did two.”  Competition. Never Stops.

RUNNING to the next stop.

And here he is! Alex’s buddy! His name is Jalopy. He's a labradoodle. Jalopy’s mommy owns a boutique and let me tell you…..flippin BRILLIANT to have that dog in the store. I cant tell you how many times I was staying at home that I could begged into going to see this dog….and walked out with jewelry or clothes! He brings in more moms with kids! Its also funny how much Alex has grown because when he first met Jalopy they were eyeball to eyeball basically. And even as scared as he was then…he still fell in love with him. Heck we all love that dog. And I was in the mood for a little something new. He visits his friend. I walk out with new ring and earrings. Win win for everyone! So far our date is going GREAT! :)

Another of our friend….cause he's so darn cute!

Here's us together….Alex isn't thrilled about pics with mom….this is the best I could get. He picked out his “date” outfit…..with dads help. Always track pants that are too short (skinny waist long leg problems), a zombie shirt of course, and his neon shoes we just bought. Perfect! :)

We said our good byes to Jalopy and Alex decided he had had enough “date time” and needed more “play time”, so it was time to go home. It made me miss my sweet long days with him. He’s growing up too fast. Maybe next time we will discuss car doors, and compliments. For now….I just love my cookie eating, doggie loving, sweet smiling “baby Alex”. Ill keep him this way as long as I can….he is the last one after all. ;)

Date night…..

 

I made a promise to myself when the boys were old enough we would have date nights together once every few months. They pick the restaurant, what they want to wear and when we go. I want to do this to give me special one on one time with them, create lasting memories, as well as teach them how to “date”. :)  They find this amusing and silly. I'm hoping one day their future wives will thank me! ;) Landons was tonight. The first official date night! We looked like this……

He chose his favorite Under Armor shirt, sleeves pushed up, old tattoo wearing off of arm, and dirty old shoes(although there are new ones in the garage that are now “dirty” from an ice cream making experiment gone bad at school today-whole other blog…). I in my usual jeans and boots.

He was SO excited! He picked Carabas as the restaraunt. He calls it the “fancy” place and asked if we could go there. Of course we can! Happens to be my fave! As I was getting ready he looks at me and says “Mom, you look very pretty.” Be still my heart….and score one on the dating tips I was about to give. ALWAYS tell your date she looks nice! Man he's good! And then I think CRAP…if he already KNOWS the rules at 7 without me telling him….I'm in A LOT of trouble come age 13. Double crap. Moving on. I explain to always open the doors for your date. He LOVES this….and i must say opened every car door for me and store door the entire night. He insisted. Even did it for some other young girls. They giggled and said thanks. Yea. I'm in trouble.

We went to the Avenues for a quick picture session at the fountain and to make a few wishes.

This makes me laugh:

Too stinkin cute…

Make a wish…..

Landon saw this doll just sitting in the bushes….hysterical

Off to dinner we go. Too many options on the menu….and I have to say…gotta love a date who still likes to color. :)

We went all out. I let him order anything he wanted. He was the sweetest….telling me at one point he enjoyed our date. Then it was time for cake. Ooooohhhhh was it time for cake…..

It was AMAZING. And perfect. To top it off…we went to Barnes and Noble, grabbed some books. Then headed home.  A perfect end to a perfect date. He was a gentleman. And sweet. And loving. And he's my Landon. I cant wait until the next one. :)

The Stories of Our Crazy Life: Temporary Post Used For Theme Detection (96e68b4e-...

The Stories of Our Crazy Life: Temporary Post Used For Theme Detection (96e68b4e-...: This is a temporary post that was not deleted. Please delete this manually. (37b568df-ccc5-4d62-a5b0-6f0de7920d56 - 3bfe001a-32de-4114-a6b4-...